Thank you for dropping by.
I hope you will spice up your linguistic life and have fewer people misinterpreting you or poking fun at you when you read the following few words on the use of the humble apostrophe. Don't worry, there's no grammar terminology in sight.
If there is one dog, say the dog's bollocks. In other words, place the apostrophe before the "s". Where there is more than one dog, say the dogs' bollocks. This time it is after the "s".
In other words, consider its use carefully where possession is involved. When you get it right you'll feel like the dog's bollocks.
So, why did I say you'll feel ... .? Basically, the apostrophe likes to jump in where letters are omitted when two words are joined together. For example, don't is the shortened version of do not and she'll is the shortened version of she will. We'll have you well-versed in this apostrophe business in no time at all!
Please do not use the apostrophe for plurals: "Dog's for sale" and "Dogs' for sale" are both incorrect. And please dip your local chipper in a vat of salt and vinegar if you see Fish and Chip's written on a sign. Apostrophes are not edible, folks, so please don't garnish your food with them! Many of you will be familiar with the greengrocer's apostrophe. Unfortunately, this gentleman is one of the worst offenders. When you see carrot's, apple's, potato's, etc., chalked onto his blackboard, feel free with the duster!
Don't be fooled by words ending with vowels. Girls wear bikinis and do not like to have sharp little apostrophes sticking into their cleavage - they simply do not wear bikini's. But you guessed it, you would be correct to say a bikini's strap or two bikinis' straps. It's that demonic possession business again. Give yourself a good ol' clap on the back!
Pay particular attention to the use of its and it's. As we just learned, the apostrophe in it's means two words have been amalgamated, i.e., it and is. Therefore it's means it is - it's not rocket science, is it?
Its, as in “the dog licks its bollocks”, just means the bollocks belong to the dog. And if you've been following, you'll be wondering why this case of possession doesn't require an apostrophe. Well, that's just the way it is, ok? Each rule has its exception.
Hope you've learned something.
The Apostrophist.
